Superpower #22: Originality

A few weeks ago, I came across a Facebook memory I had posted back in 2009. It reminded me of yet another of your many amazing traits, and so I chose originality as your 22^nd superpower.  You are unabashedly, unapologetically yourself. On that 3^rd birthday post, I said, “Dawn has the world’s coolest 3-year-old. Top 3 reasons: 1. Spiderman cake, 2. Her favorite presents: a racetrack, a light up necklace, and a ballerina doll (she likes what she likes, no theme required), 3. She gladly gave her brother the first piece of cake.” I remember that day so well, maybe because I snapped this adorable picture of you, one of my all-time favorites because it reminds me so much of who you are. You were always so cheerful and easygoing, and you had no idea why you should be confined to any one theme or genre of toys or interests. Like I mentioned in a recent post, you love sports, but you love art as well. When you were 3, you loved princesses, and you loved superheroes, too. You gladly wore hand-me-down clothes from both your brother and your sister, equally drawn to frilly dresses and spiderman t-shirts. You have always been your own, original self.

Being the “middlest” of our 5 kids with a brother and sister above and a brother and sister below has always put you in a bit of a quandary. We often found ourselves splitting the family up on vacations and weekends to ensure everyone had some sort of age-appropriate activities to enjoy. With almost 8 years between your oldest sister and your youngest brother, we often struggled to find adventures that matched the interests and abilities of both groups. Our solution was often to split in half; Grace and Sam heading off with your Dad to the big kid adventures (the largest roller coasters, the biggest waves etc.). I typically stayed back with Lucy and Clay in the kiddie pools and toddler parks. You were often caught in between. You were always big and strong and athletic, so often the big kid adventures appealed to you. I remember standing at the bottom of a monstrous water slide when you were maybe four years old. If you stretched to your very tallest, you were juuust barely above the “you must be this tall to ride” mark at the entrance to the ride, and (of course) your dad believed you were good to go. I looked up from the bottom, with Lucy on my hip, to see your beaming little face careening down the impossibly high, big-kid slide, shrieking with joy and excitement. You were brave and confident and never seemed to mind challenging yourself to keep up with the big kids.

But, just as often, you preferred to stay back with me and the little kids. I remember a lovely afternoon in Cancun when we visited there with your Lueken cousins. The rest of the family traipsed off to a snorkeling and cenote adventure, and you reached for my hand and asked to stay with me. I was always happy to have you along, and I admit I worried that your dad would push you too hard on activities and challenges that you weren’t quite ready for. We found a nearly deserted rooftop pool that afternoon and played “dolphin trainer” for hours. You and Lucy were the dolphins, and I was the trainer. (Clayton, also a cheerful and easy-going child, bopped around in his baby life jacket, content to splash around near the steps and watch his sisters play). You happily swam circles and did leaps and twirls for “fish treats” (French fries from the swim-up bar) in the blazing Mexican sun.

It was the same the first time we visited Walt Disney World when you were 3. You were tall enough for many of the big-kid rides, but many times you preferred to stay with me and the littles. Your dad would often try and push you to join him (perhaps because he didn’t want to ride alone or with a stranger?), but I always spoke up in your defense. You grew up as fast as you could, and I was always happy to slow your roll a little bit when you wanted to. You were brave and strong and athletic, and you were welcome to stay my little girl as long as you desired.

As the years have passed, you continue to have to choose if you are a big kid or a little kid. It showed up again most recently on our summer family trip to Las Vegas. The big kids both enjoy the occasional (or more frequent) alcoholic beverage, as, I’m fully aware, do you. Due to a certain lack of restraint (also one of your trademark characteristics), you have had a few bad experiences with drinking, so you are sometimes hesitant to jump in. Dad and I would have looked the other way if you had wanted to indulge in a drink or two on vacation, though of course the younger two weren’t partaking. In this circumstance, again, you opted to align yourself with the younger kids, and again, I supported and applauded your choice. You are your own, super-original self and you should always decide what makes the most sense for you.

I know you did when you were in preschool. You used to insist on wearing a tank top year-round, and I repeatedly had to send you back upstairs to change when you came downstairs in January wearing a tiny shirt designed for the hottest weather. On more than one occasion, you would begrudgingly don a sweatshirt or sweater, but by the time pickups rolled around, you would be wearing your tank top again. You would hide it beneath a warmer garment and abandon as soon as possible after you arrived at school. It didn’t matter to you that others were wearing more weather-appropriate clothing. You were hot, and you liked the tank top, end of story.

So, yes, originality is most certainly one of your superpowers, and one that I look forward to seeing you continue to manifest in your future. You do you, boo. Everyone else is taken. 

Superpower #21: Decisiveness

Your 21^st superpower is decisiveness, and it manifests in your life in so many ways. Perhaps one of the clearest was when you chose to go to college at Maryville. You were so sure. I have always told my kids that when making the big decisions in your life, there is something to be said about “when you know, you know.” For me this was true in choosing a college, a husband, and deciding to get a new hip among other things.  When it came to choosing Coe for me, I could feel in my bones that it was right from the moment I arrived on campus. You were equally decisive. Even though we had visited multiple schools and still more wanted to talk to you, you said the words I will never forget as we pulled out of the parking lot from your visit. "I think I want to commit," you said, quietly and a bit uncertainly. You knew you were the on the cusp of something gigantic and this was not a choice to make lightly. We spent a few minutes discussing options and reassuring you. And then you called the coach and committed.

A similar example happened when you decided that you wanted to date Owen. If I remember correctly, Owen was in the process of “talking to” someone else. (This euphemism is unique to your generation and, according to AI, “generally refers to the stage where two people are getting to know each other and are interested in each other, but they haven't yet defined their relationship as exclusive or official.” But I imagine you already knew that). Anyway, Owen was “talking to” (is it appropriate to use quotation marks to offset that?) someone else, but you decided you were interested in him. According to legend, you made it clear to him that you wanted to be "talking to him" or maybe more. You made the moves, you made the plans, and you got the boy. (I should ask you sometime who he was “talking to” way back then. I wonder if he even remembers). Clearly your instincts were right as 3 years later the two of you are still going strong.

With a little time, I think I could come up with countless examples of your decisiveness, from the choices you make about what to eat, what to wear, where to go, and on and on. I, too, am a quick decision maker, often following the ready, fire, aim mentality of navigating my daily experience. By and large, this isn’t the worst way to go through life (at least from my perspective), particularly when you can boast superpowers like adaptability, focus, optimism, and confidence to back you up when your decisions aren’t the absolute best. I would caution you, however, that cultivating an ability to step back, think through, and insert a pause into the gusto with which you hurl yourself into your life might not be the worst idea.

That said, however, I have also noticed a troubling tendency to second guess yourself when around certain outspoken others. Don’t ever forget that most of us are just making things up as we go, and that very few of the myriad decisions we are faced with on any given day matter all that much. I’ve always found a lot of wisdom in my uncle Ding’s mantra: “Make a decision. If you don’t like it, make another one!”

By harnessing your superpower of decisiveness, I am certain that you will navigate the challenges of your life to carve out a delightful future of success and fulfillment. Decide, and be dazzling.

Superpower #20: Strength

I don’t know how I have gotten through 19 tributes to your vast array of superpowers without mentioning your strength. You are indeed exceptionally strong and always have been. Although I hope many of your superpowers are at least somewhat attributable to me and my genes and parenting, this is one that I must lie squarely on your dad’s side of the tally sheet. He, too, is exceptionally physically strong—a fact that he seems utterly unaware and unappreciative of, as do you. I’ve noticed that people tend to have limited appreciation for whatever they are the most naturally and often extraordinarily gifted at, and your dad’s strength is one of these. I think it is true for you as well.

But you really are quite strong. When you were a toddler, we were always pulling you off countertops and tables. I’ve already told the story of the trampoline and swimming lessons in praise of other superpowers, but these evidence your super strength as well. In middle school, I recall a particular sunny afternoon at the lake when you were lounging on the “Maui mat” (a sort of large, floating cross between a raft and a gymnastics mat). Your dad came bounding down the stairs radiating his signature high energy and asked his oft-repeated request, “Anybody want to wrestle?” I glanced up at my book to give him my usual side-eyed response to this question (I once asked him, “Have I ever said yes to that question? Like, ever?” I do not possess exceptional strength and have no chance of even holding my own in a wrestling match with him, despite my equivalent size). You, on the other hand, with your customary breezy agreeableness responded with a cheerful, “Sure!” He eagerly jumped onto the mat with you and the two of you began to wrestle.

It is well known that I despise these highly physical (bordering on violent) ways of playing that your dad just adores. I always worried about how little restraint he showed in his roughhousing when you were babies and toddlers. Someone always ended up crying, something often ended up broken, and I just feel that the cost to benefit ratio on this activity is rarely worth it. On this day, however, you were nearly fully grown and, as has been documented previously, you were always on the sturdier, plumper side of middle schoolers.

The objective of this particular wrestling match was to push your opponent off the mat and into the water. I watched with surprise (and, I must admit, delight) as you proceeded to hold your own. Despite his increasingly aggressive attempts, you were very nearly immovable. You didn’t make much progress on pushing him off the mat, but he wasn’t making as much progress as I had expected either. You are so strong.

But so is he. Ultimately, he managed to haul you off the mat and into the water, but he confessed to me later that he was surprised how difficult it was. For a fairly large, exceptionally strong grown man to struggle, even momentarily, in a wrestling match with a middle school girl is an enormous testament to how strong you naturally are. It’s one of your superpowers for sure.

You are able to leverage this superpower in constant ways throughout your daily life. Obviously it has been a huge advantage in your athletic career. Your freshman year, I remember watching you break a school record in rebounding when you pulled down 17 boards in one of your first ever high school games. It was quite a feat, and no doubt a testament to your superior strength. A few years later, an opponent was overheard telling her teammate, “Have you ever tried to rebound against Claire? It’s, like, impossible.” Indeed, watching you rip rebounds out of the air and then shake off opponents like they are no more than pesky gnats is quite awesome to see.

Beyond the athletic fields, your strength is also evident around the house. You are the first person I call when your dad asks me to move furniture. In spite of spending 2-3 days a week in the weight room over the last decade or so, I’m still only a fraction as strong as you. It’s your birthright (on your dad’s side) and one I hope you always remember to appreciate (and use to move furniture for me when your dad asks for help).

As I reach the end of these essays for you, I find that I want to use the same anecdotes over and over to illustrate different superpowers. I want to write about the night we cried over learning how to lead your team as a freshman as evidence of your emotional and psychological strength, but the story has been told. Suffice it to say, you are strong in every way, not the least of which is your powerful young body.

Strength is a quintessential power for superheroes, and I hope you always remember to use it, not only to serve and protect your own life and interests, but also those around you. You may not appreciate being strong for the superpower that it is, but others may need you to lend them your strength over the years. I know you will be generous with that gift as you are with all the others.

Superpower #18: Art!

The first thing your many fans think about when they think of your superpowers is not art. Since time immemorial, high school has divided itself along consistent lines. The athletic kids do not tend to mix socially or from a strength perspective with the artsy kids. The athletic kids, usually the more “popular” (see post 14), think the artsy kids are weird. The artsy kids think the athletic kids are shallow. It’s a tale as old as time. As has been well established, you definitely fall far onto the “athletic” side of this spectrum.

Imagine our surprise in the last two years, then, to learn that you had been identified as one of the more talented artists in your class. Each year, the art teachers at your high school select a small handful of works to display at the local museum of art. In each of the last 2 years, a work of yours has been selected. Last year, your picture was a drawing you had done of your feet in athletic shoes (some small irony there?). This year, your project was a stained-glass pineapple. (Pictured here is you holding them both. On the deck railing beside you is a ceramic blueberry you created in art class).

Here I must confess that throughout most of my life I, too, identified much more closely with the athletes than the artists. Consequently, where I missed almost none of your extraordinarily storied basketball career, I did not make it down to the art museum to see your works on display. Part of my excuse for this is that the art museum isn’t open past 5pm, which makes it challenging for a working mom. That said, however, you and I both know how many countless times I left work as early as 2 in the afternoon to go watch you play a sport. So, this is only part of the story.

The other part of the story is that art is not a particular interest or passion of mine. I enjoy it well enough, but I never have a lot of confidence in my impressions of works of visual art and I don’t feel a deep pull to it. Literature and writing are different for me—this is where my personal intersection of art and athletics occurs. For you, however, crafting, drawing, and painting remain a quiet, unsung part of your superpower repertoire.

You don’t often sit still to paint or craft. Where your sister can work on meticulous projects for hours at a time, you can rarely be found sitting still very long for anything. Still, it is not unusual to find evidence of a project or two around the house (often on my work from home desk that I would prefer to keep tidy and set apart for work).

This superpower puts you among the ranks of the quintessential renaissance women—one of those few and lucky souls who can move through the world with a variety of talents and interests to serve you in whatever circumstances you find yourself. While sports will always be your first love, I hope you are able to maintain your enjoyment and talent for art throughout your life. Remember your brave little pineapple project, hanging among the works of more devoted and focused artists and remember that you have more superpowers than you even imagine!

It would also behoove you to hold onto your love of crafting and art as you grow older. I'm sure it is hard to imagine now, but trust me when I say there will come a time when your body isn't able to maintain some of your more active hobbies, including sports. I once read that an athlete dies twice; the first time when she has to retire from her sport. Though my career was nowhere near as storied as yours, I can tell you that my longing to continue playing basketball lingered deep into my adult life. Unlike men, women basketball players (at least of my generation) are rarely able to continue playing after college. The available pickup leagues typically attract almost exclusively men. Perhaps the surging interest in the WNBA and Caitlyn Clark's legacy will mean more basketball opportunities for women throughout their lives than there are now. But even if that happens, there will come a time when you'll have to hang up your high tops and find different hobbies to fill your time. My love for reading has been a great comfort to me over the years, and I hope you can take a love of art projects into your future as well. There may come a time when you have some hours to spend doing something you love, and those hours may come when your body can't do as much as it can now. I hope you can dust off this superpower when the time comes.

Art is an unexpected superpower for a lively, social, and athletic girl like you, but it is certainly one of them. May it serve you, and the world, well in the years to come.

Superpower #17: Free spiritedness

I have a confession to make; but first, I have a funny memory to share.

Many years ago, I subscribed to a magazine called "YM" (for "Young Miss"). I have no idea what might have ever prompted the subscription. No one in my family read magazines much, so I can’t imagine how it ever came to be. Regardless, I read it faithfully. It contained the usual teen girl blather—makeup tips and updates on pop stars and relationship advice. I vividly recall one tidbit of wisdom that I pulled from its pages (beyond a few outdated makeup techniques that I’ve never quite managed to banish from my limited lexicon of tricks). The article I remember provided tips and tricks for transitioning to college and contained this little gem that I’ll paraphrase here. “To offset homesickness, feel free to remember the things about home and your family that really frustrate or irritate you. In the moments when you feel sad because you haven’t seen your little brother, recall how he put a frog in your bed or barged into your room without knocking. If you miss your mom, remember how annoying she was when you were on the phone with your friends or how often she yelled at you to clean your room.” At the time, I thought that was pretty smart advice, and though I never suffered too much homesickness in college because I was too busy having the time of my life, I nevertheless found myself referring to it every now and then when I’d get a brief wave of nostalgia.

I have pulled out this bit of advice a time or two over the last 5 years as I have adapted to having your sister and brother away at college. I reminded myself of it regularly over the course of the last school year when I would find myself waxing nostalgic about one of your many “lasts” during senior year. And you know what I most often reminded myself of when I felt sad about missing your sense of adventure and joy and fun next year when you are away at college? I reminded myself that you were also taking your 17th superpower with you when you leave next month—free-spiritedness.

Just kidding. I’m using “free spiritedness” as a fill-in for what I really mean, and for what is most definitely one of your most epic superpowers: MESSINESS! Oh, my Claire-a-belle, you are SO messy. You leave little reminders of yourself ALL OVER MY HOUSE. You borrow my things, and they are never seen again. You use my bathroom to get ready and leave at least 10 products and beauty tools lying around, along with used tissues and cotton balls and contact lenses. When you make your way through your day, you leave little piles of evidence as to your activities in every spot. Oh! There’s where you had a bowl of yogurt and fruit and took off your socks! Oh, there’s where you worked for a while on a painting project. Oh, there’s where you took a nap with my favorite blanket and borrowed my charger.  You (and your brother, though he’s been out of the house for over 3 years now) are by far my messiest children.

I am reframing this “messiness” superpower as free spiritedness, and I believe this is a reasonable connection. Years ago I bought a little wooden sign that read “A clean house is a wasted life.” I think this accurately sums up your perspective on the topic. You have better things to do than put your socks and dirty dishes away. Your distractible spirit has moved on to something fun and adventurous long before it would occur to you to clean up after yourself. It’s part of the whole package that is my beloved daughter, so I take it for what it is worth.

I also admit that you come by this superpower honestly. I was exactly like you at your age, and I drove my poor, tidy mom to total distraction with my laissez faire attitude toward cleanliness. Lucky for you, I understand this inclination as it is one I have fought hard to contain in my adult life. Your dad, too, is quite a slob, leaving piles of dirty laundry, dishes, wrappers, and paperwork in his wake as he moves through his life. I’m quite fortunate that all my children aren’t this (ahem) free-spirited since if genetics weren’t the weird mystery that they are, I may have had quite a few more messes to deal with.

When you were a toddler, you earned yourself the nickname "Taz" (short for the Tasmanian Devil--a Warner Brothers cartoon character that you may not be familiar with). The original Tasmanian devil was a whirling, wild man of a character who blew in and out of his friends' lives with almost no dialogue and leaving a path of destruction behind. This was you as a toddler. You were so insatiably curious and confident, and in this curiosity and total lack of hesitation, you emptied drawers and cupboards all over the houses of our friends and family. Even today, all of my lower drawers and cupboards contain safe items like dishtowels and Tupperware that can be easily tidied up after what is now a distant memory of your onslaught on the drawers and shelves you could reach. Sometimes dad and I joke that we can't wait until you get your first apartment because we have so much payback planned.  It's a sweet and funny memory, now, but at the time your energy and messiness could be pretty overwhelming. We even bought you a t-shirt back then that said, "My parents are exhausted." I must admit, that your (ahem) free-spiritedness still has the power to exhaust me today.

So back to my confession from the beginning of this post: in this one way, I am looking forward to your moving out in a few weeks. I will miss so much about you, your joy and your kindness and your charm and your wit and your sense of adventure and optimism. There are so many superpowers that fill our home with light and laughter and I will miss them, and you, like crazy.

But I won’t miss the many, many (many, many, many) messes. It’s one superpower that you are welcome to take (and keep) with you.