Superpower #3: Courage

 Dear Claire,

Your third leadership superpower is courage. You signed your letter of intent to play basketball at Maryville University this week, and I am overwhelmed at the emotions I have been feeling since you first picked up the pen.

In fact, the official signing day was Wednesday and because neither of us really knew what to expect, we did no advance planning. All over social media, I saw posts of your summer teammates signing their letters of intent surrounded by smiling family members. They were all wearing gear from their school of choice. They sat behind tables draped in their college colors with flags and signs draped behind them bearing logos and mascots. There were balloons. I'm pretty sure some of them had cake. You called me on your way home from practice and asked me how late I was staying up because you were heading to your boyfriend's house and wanted to take care of signing later. I envisioned you tiptoeing into my room well after my bedtime when I was already fast asleep, nudging me awake, and holding your phone as a flashlight as I groggily added my name to the paperwork. So much for ceremony and memories of the momentous event. Instead, you called me a short time later and told me you had figured out how to fill out the form electronically. You walked me through the process, I signed with my finger on my phone when you were at a whole different address, and you zipped your commitment to your future off through cyber space and hung up. I like to think of myself as an adaptable and easygoing individual, but the casual nonchalance with which you undertook this huge step left me a little bit breathless. 

For posterity, here is a screen shot of our text exchange:

You are so brave. You are so unafraid to take this next step. Honestly, I am shocked at the immensity of these feelings. I let Grace go, but I let her go into such a known quantity. She went to the same school I did, to play one of the same sports I did, and she left us in 2020 when the world was crazy and we were mostly home with our people all the time. I think we kind of knew that we would see a lot of her, and we did. 

And I let Sam go, but he was beyond ready to launch his life separate from us. He pushed us away so hard and so aggressively in his final year of high school that it was a bit of a relief to just let him go where he so desperately wanted to be (meaning: away from us). But he, too, was heading to a school we knew well, just a little over an hour away from us. His college was the alma mater of several aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends and he would be joined by many of his high school classmates.  It was an entirely known quantity and not very far away.

And now, you.  You are setting sail for a whole new life into a whole unknown world. You won't know anyone there--no one else from your high school class or large group of friends will attend Maryville University. I don't know anyone who lives in St. Louis. I have only the slimmest connections to anyone who knows anything about your college. I know no alums.  Of course, you don't need me to know any of this or leverage any foreknowledge or connections for you. You are so brave.  

Though you seem so unafraid, the second part of our text exchange told me to real story.  

If courage is the feeling the feel fear and doing the thing anyway, I know in the quiet of your heart, you are a little bit scared.  That doesn't diminish your third superpower even a little bit. If you weren't a little nervous, you wouldn't be paying very close attention. Your life will be big and full of adventure, but only if you have the courage to leap fully into it. And you do. You will.

And I do believe you are going to like your college.  You will love it. You will live such a wonderful amazing brave life.  Everything we've learned and experienced since that first visit has told us you made the right choice (your Starbucks habit not withstanding). 

Today's signing was just a symbol. And you were not afraid. You did not hesitate in the least as you picked up the pen and signed with a flourish. To be honest, you were more worried that I got my name in the right place on the form.

Yes, courage is most certainly one of your superpowers. It makes me reflect on whether I am as brave as you. Whether I had any piece in creating the very very courageous person that you are. I hope that I have. Isn’t that what they say, I’m supposed to give you roots and wings? 

A lot of people congratulated me today. I remember wondering why parents got congratulations when kids achieved great things. Now I know. Because all those early mornings? I was up, too. I was worrying about what you were going to eat, and whether you had what you needed to wear. I was worrying that we got the schedule right, and always always always I was straining, striving, pleading praying, and dreaming that you would succeed.  And you have beyond my wildest dreams. And on top of it all, you are so brave on this cusp of starting your life without me.

And now I have to find the courage to let you go. I hope you get it from me. I’m so proud of you CC. Go live that brave, beautiful next chapter.

 .  

You've only ever played for women coaches--first me, then AAU coach Stacy Frese Huber, then Wahlert head coach Kris Spiegler. No surprise that they both made time to be with you on this momentous day.

 

Your teammates stopped in to cheer you on. From Left to Right: Ruth Tauber, Kayla Wuebker, you, Lucy, Caroline Freed

 

The Claire Lueken Fan Club (Grandpa John, Grandma Ellen, me, you, dad, Clay, Lucy. Grace had to work and Sam was away at UNI.  Also not pictured: a LOT of other fans).

 

Definitely your biggest fan outside of our immediate family, your boyfriend Owen McCleary.

Sisters, teammates, besties.