Dear Sam,
In this next letter, I want to give you some advice I first heard from a
coworker at my first job. I was probably a little late in the learning of
it, but I had a bit of a lucky, coincidental preference that helped me through
my college years even without the catchy little phrase. There are a
variety of versions of this wisdom, but the one I know best goes like this,
“Whiskey before beer, you’re in the clear. Beer before whiskey make you
sicky.” As adages go, it’s not particularly poetic or even articulate,
but the point is clear. Beer and liquor have different impacts, and
hitting the hard stuff at the end of the night (or very much at all) is rarely
a good idea.
Perhaps this little bit of motherly advice seems a bit odd to you.
Most advice attributed to moms seems to focus on personal hygiene and
housework, but let’s be real. The mom you were raised by has
significantly more expertise in drinking than either of those other topics, so
there it is.
So allow me to expand upon this little tidbit a bit further. First,
I am not necessarily condoning or advocating drinking, particularly the binge-y
kind so beloved of college kids. The risks and challenges associated with
disordered drinking are many, and while your dad and I have both been fairly
enthusiastic social drinkers for most of our adult life, we would certainly
tell you that adopting this particular habit is not without pitfalls. Proceed
carefully and conscientiously.
That said, I went to college too. It is a rare Friday night that I
don’t long, at least momentarily, for the days of ‘Drite happy hours and $3
pitchers of Busch Lite. So I know that alcohol will likely be a part of
your college story. (And I’m no idiot—I know you aren’t currently quite
as pure as the wind driven snow with regards to your high school experience). But learn from your elders. Drink beer. Beer provides a nice,
steady, happy, manageable buzz that builds slowly over time and has the added
advantage of keeping you in the bathroom so often you can have regular check
ins with your dumb drunk self on whatever choices you are considering as your
nights progress. Hard liquor is sneakier and meaner. It’s darker and
faster. Proceed with caution.
My hope is that you inherit your dad and I’s fondness for light beer.
We both enjoy it and more often than not, choose it even when many other
options are available. I’m not saying I’m a stranger to hangovers, but I
am saying that when I spent my college evenings primarily in the company of my
good friend Miller Lite, I spent less early mornings wrapped around a toilet
and wishing for death.
So, before you go, take my advice and stick to beer. Leave the
shots and jungle juice for the less wise among you. Before you go, trust
your elders.
No comments:
Post a Comment